But how much do you really care about the answer?
Prefer to listen? Find ep. 70 wherever you get your podcasts.
To mock, or not to mock, that is the question
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous monikers,
Or to take arms against a sea of labels,
And by opposing, end them?
Huh?
It’s one of THE great debates in the low/no space: Should we use the word “Mocktail” to describe a prepared, mixed, non-alcoholic drink designed for adult drinkers in adult drinking situations?
In the blue corner: Don’t call it a mocktail!
In the red corner: Just pour me a drink!
…Fight!
In the Blue Corner: Don’t Call It a Mocktail!
Let’s be honest: when you hear the word mocktail, do you think: ‘sophisticated, adult drink’?
Or do you think: ‘all the juices and a bendy straw’?
A very brief and thoroughly unthorough search of the origin of the word mocktail presents an understandably irksome definition:
“a blend of the words “mock” and “cocktail,” meaning a “faux” cocktail.”
Is a mocktail a ‘faux’ cocktail? (more on that in a moment)
A slightly deeper dive into the hallowed pages of the Oxford English Dictionary reveals an even more damning answer to the question: “Is mocktail a real word?”
Their answer: “A blended non-alcoholic drink consisting of a mixture of fruit juices, etc.“
Even the OED isn’t convinced. It’s not looking good.
What is a Cocktail?
Let’s get back to the ‘fake cocktail’ definition. The word ‘cocktail’ is thought to have originated in the late 18th/early 19th century to describe a mixed drink containing spirits, sugar, water and bitters.
(Why it’s called a cocktail, in particular, is full of wild stories from French fancy to horses’ tails – I’ll let you investigate that further if you so desire).
In modern terms, the definition of a cocktail is far more subjective and a heck of a lot more flexible. It is now generally accepted to mean [almost] any mixed drink with three ingredients or more (water and ice excluded).
So a drink muddled with fresh mint, mixed with non-alcoholic rum, ginger beer, soda water, and lime, is still a Mojito, and not, as I’ve seen it frequently called, a ‘Faux-jito’. Same goes for a Nogroni, a Sansgria, and anything with the word Virgin in its name (seriously, who came up with that?).
Over my 24 years in hospitality, I’ve seen drinks made with everything from the sublime to the ridiculous, and ‘spirits’ without alcohol are far from the top of the most ridiculous column – anyone for a Jellyfish Martini? Seriously, there’s a bar that makes these… why???
By calling our drinks mocktails, are we accepting that they are ‘faux’? Are we othering them and lessening them all in one fell swoop?
So what should we call them, then?
Brace yourselves; this is a wild suggestion, but how about we call them…
…
…
…cocktails?!
Non-alcoholic cocktails.
Alcohol-free cocktails.
Zero-proof cocktails.
(Just not virgin cocktails because that really is crap).
Wouldn’t it be great to walk into a bar and be handed a menu with a list of cocktails that can be made with or without alcohol, rather than a piddly little afterthought squeezed in just above the juices and to the right of the herbal teas?
In the Red Corner: Just Pour Me a Drink!
Virgin! (No, I don’t mean you.)
Whenever I have a debate with someone about the naming of a thing, Virgin is my ace in the hole.
Can you imagine being in the room with Branson when he came up with that idea and presented it as the name of his business?
“Nik, I’ve got a great name for our record business! Let’s call ourselves Virgin! It’ll have a big red tick as the V, and everyone will know we’re new at this.”
“Erm, OK, Rich, any other ideas you wanna workshop first, mate?”
“Na, I can see it! Right in the middle of Oxford Street in giant letters: The ‘Virgin Megastore!’”
In case it isn’t clear, I wasn’t actually at that meeting, but that’s pretty much how I imagine it going.
What I can’t imagine is anyone thinking that Virgin was a great name for a business, but time and billions of pounds in revenue across multiple sectors have clearly proved me and any other doubters wrong.
So back to the Bard we go: That which we call a mocktail by any other word would smell as sweet…?
I remember sharing a story when I was speaking at the Club Soda No Low Mid Summit one year, about a conversation I had with Sober Girl Society founder Milli Gooch, explaining why we need the word mocktails, and her reasoning is hard to fault:
“When we do research into how people are finding us, we can see that they are using the word mocktails in their search. If we stop using the word, then people will stop finding us, and we won’t be able to help all those women who are searching for support in changing their drinking habits.”
While there’s nothing wrong with terms like non-alcoholic cocktail, if it’s not what people are typing into their search bars or asking for in real bars, then aren’t we at risk of missing the opportunity to help them altogether?
Inclusive Drinking
Inclusivity is a big part of low/no living.
It’s about giving a choice to people who want to drink less for any reason for any length of time, so that they can still feel part of any occasion.
Making a choice to go against the grain and do something completely different to your friends and family can seem daunting enough without the added pressure of having to learn a brand new glossary of what words are permitted and what’s not.
Imagine walking into a bar and feeling judged for asking for a mocktail when the bartender replies in a snooty, sommelier-esque tone, “I’m afraid we don’t serve those here, but we do have an exquisite selection of hand-crafted cocktails sans liquor for your perusal…”
Mocktail is an internationally recognised term.
If you go into any English-speaking town and ask for one, everyone knows what you mean.
Do you run the risk of the dreaded mixed juice in a tulip glass serve?
Yes, but if it opens up a conversation where both sides feel they can communicate safely, then isn’t that the route to educating everyone as to what these drinks really should be?
Break! Back to your corners.
I guess the final question is then: Do you really care?
I have a feeling this is one of those topics that’s hotly debated among the professionals in the industry; meanwhile, the consumer (that’s you and me) is quietly, yet impatiently, waiting for something nice to drink.
Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that the low/no industry is now of significant enough consequence that this debate is needed.
As Wilde said, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
So go ahead and debate the names as much as you like, but before you do, can someone please just pour me a decent drink – I’m parched?!
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