The Stories We Tell Ourselves About Why We Drink
Prefer to listen? Find ep. 171 wherever you get your podcasts.
What beliefs are you holding on to, perhaps even fiercely defending, with or without realising it, that are holding you back from a life less intoxicated?
We give the external so much credit for our inability to change,
But what if the biggest barriers are inside us?
For years, I believed that alcohol was a way to signal just how cool I was. That my drink choices were part of my identity, and that identity was my social passport to cool friends, crazy adventures and kisses with boys.
This wasn’t a spoken belief. I didn’t wake up in the mornings saying to myself, ‘I must drink socially escalating cocktails tonight’.
It came as a natural side-effect of my job. Working in bars for over two decades, you get to see what’s considered mature, sophisticated and progressive.
What the cool kids with the tattoos and top knots are sipping on with effortless grace, and of course, I wanted to be just like them:
They didn’t drink non-alc beer; they drank high ABV craft ales.
They didn’t drink alcohol-free wine; they drank naturally fermented skin-contact orange wines that even I’d never heard of.
I believed I needed to be just like them and that alcohol was a way to do that.
(I’d like to point out I no longer hold that belief in any way, shape or form, thankfully – it was fucking exhausting!)
So let’s smash some exhausting beliefs that are holding you back and dismantle those false stories. Because it’s time you gave yourself… more!
I Need Alcohol To Take The Edge Off
Ah, that famous phrase. My best friend said it to me all the time. ‘Go on, Dee. Just a little one to take the edge off.’
As if life were only good with no edges.
But what if I like edges?
What if I need the edges to tell where one moment ends and another begins?
What if the edges are how we know we’re alive?!
Look, I get it: rough day, stressful project, demanding kids – these all bring along their difficult moments. But they also offer something else: opportunity.
The chance to win, to excel, to improve.
When you take the edge off the rough, you also sand down the smooth, and I don’t want that anymore.
Besides, is there really no other way to deal with those moments?
Yes, alcohol is one option, but so is exercise, time with people you love (or time away from them), and taking action to actually change what irks you rather than wallowing in it.
I Can’t Have Fun, Or Be Fun, Without A Drink
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, it dampens your executive thinking, and at times, it nigh on eliminates any thoughts of consequences. Put that all together, and you’re bound to have some fun.
No one is suggesting you can’t have fun with booze (well, actually, some people probably are suggesting that, but I’m not one of them).
But when did you begin to believe that you can ONLY have fun with booze?
If when you’re drinking differently, all you do is go to the pub, sit in the corner, sipping on a lime and soda while everyone else gets into the thick of things, then of course you’re not going to have any fun.
What you need is evidence. Proof that there is more life to be had even in the moments that you choose not to imbibe.
Take a moment and think of a time. A time when you were happy. When you laughed and danced and felt true joy.
Was alcohol the star of that moment, or was it something else? Was it the people? The season? The location?
Was alcohol even a part of that moment? If it was, did it really enhance your joy, or did it eventually begin to dull it?
If you can think of just one moment of true joy in your life that didn’t involve drinking, then you’ve just proved to yourself that you don’t NEED alcohol to have fun.
I Don’t Have A Problem, So I Don’t Need To Change
This is the one where you tell yourself that if you’re not falling down drunk at 9 o’clock in the morning, then everything is fine and nothing actually needs to change.
But if you really believed that, then you wouldn’t be here.
Wanting to drink more mindfully isn’t about rectifying an addiction that’s destroying your life; it’s about taking positive action before that “problem” has a chance to take root.
It’s about recognising that you can still like alcohol – the taste, the texture, the smell and everything it brings – and yet not want to have any tonight.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll tell you again and again until you believe it:
You do not need to wait for a rock bottom moment to decide that you want to have a different relationship with alcohol.
I’ve Tried Before And It Didn’t Stick, So Clearly I Can’t Do It
They say that those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
So you tried a break before; maybe it was a Dry January or a Sober October or just an undetermined break that you felt you needed.
Maybe you started out with all the right intentions and bossed days 1, 2 and 3, but by day 4 your resolve was waning, and by day 5 you were back down the Queen’s Arms, pint in hand.
That doesn’t mean you can’t change. That means you didn’t have all the right tools you needed to succeed.
Did you even decide in the beginning what true success would look like for you?
Maybe it’s going completely dry; maybe it’s cutting your units in half; maybe it’s knowing you only ever have a drink when you really want one, rather than because you feel you need one or have to have one to keep up with everyone else.
Besides, don’t we spend years teaching our kids over and over again that failure is not the end? That getting something wrong is part of the journey to getting it right.
And that’s why I built the 4-Week Reset for you: so you’re not simply trying the same thing again and wondering why it still isn’t working. You get a clear job each day and the tools to work out what genuinely helps you.
Change The Story
When it comes to making lasting change in how you allow alcohol to show up in your life, it doesn’t start with rules, restrictions and denying yourself any semblance of joy.
It starts with assessing what you want, why you want it, and how what you currently believe is getting in the way of your version of success.
That’s where the beliefs that were holding you back before – the limiting beliefs that were stopping you from achieving what you wanted – can start to be transformed into something that serves you far better.
That’s where we begin to reshape our future and learn from our past instead of allowing it to dictate what comes next.
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