The Four I’s of Mindful Drinking
Prefer to listen? Find ep. 106 wherever you get your podcasts.
Changing the way that I drink has given me more clarity on my true personality now in my mid-40s than I have ever had in my entire drinking career.
It hasn’t always been this way.
If, like me, you’ve ever wondered if the way that you’re drinking actually complements who you are as a person, then this is for you.
The Dutch Courage Trap
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase ‘Dutch courage’. It is commonly believed to date back to wartime when the British used the term to mock the Dutch, who would have a tipple of Gin before entering battle, claiming that they didn’t have real courage—just false bravado from alcohol.
We still use it the same way today. We say we need a splash of Dutch courage before speaking publicly, going on a date or frankly, any new, uncomfortable situation.
We use alcohol to help us perpetuate a side of our personality that we want to be more forthcoming in a given situation.
But have you ever stopped to wonder whether that Dutch courage is actually masking your real personality? And whether you might be more effective if you were just to be yourself?
Part One: The Personality Spectrum
When it comes to personalities, we’ve all heard of introverts and extroverts, but, like many things in life, it’s not a binary identifier.
We experience personality on a spectrum, and right in the middle sits something called an ambivert.
Many consider introverts to be shy, retiring wallflowers, while extroverts are often perceived as loud, obnoxious firestarters.
In truth, your level of intro-extroversion isn’t a marker of your self-confidence at all.
Rather, it’s how your psyche prefers to re-energise its social battery.
Introverts may be quiet, but it’s not out of shyness. When you find yourself energised by solitude or smaller, more intimate gatherings, then there’s less need to be ‘seen & heard’ among the crowd.
Extroverts, on the other hand, are likely to want and need company, through the good times and the bad. They need connection and support in a visible and vocal form to feel relaxed and recharged, ready for the next curveball that life throws at them.
So what about the ambivert then? What do they need?
Ambiverts can move across the spectrum. They’re flexible and adaptable; able to find energy in quiet times with just a few close friends or get lively and outgoing, bonding in group settings.
How Your Personality Type Shapes Your Drinking
Introverts
Introverts often prefer drinking with smaller groups of trusted people.
You can easily be entertained sitting on the sofa with your other half or at a table in the corner of a pub rather than in the thick of things.
But this doesn’t mean you’re going to be quiet, or submissive to the whims of others. And it doesn’t mean you won’t drink.
Introverts will quite happily make their way through two or three bottles of wine with just a small group, quite possibly drinking more than intended, because they feel comfortable and safe.
Extroverts
Extroverts are more likely to partake in livelier drinking activities.
They’ll be standing at the bar, getting the shots in, getting other people involved, maybe playing (instigating) drinking games and doing their best to make sure everyone feels as involved and energised as they do.
Ambiverts
Ambiverts, with their chameleon-like nature, can find themselves easily slipping into either situation.
And this can be where more unstable habits unfold, because if you find you could drink just as much anywhere you go, it can be hard to find times when you won’t be tempted to drink more than intended.
For an ambivert, alcohol becomes almost a tool for changing gears.
My Own Revelation
I had always considered myself an extrovert.
I worked in hospitality for 24 years, and in that game, it’s all about people.
Your entire workplace is a hive of social activity. After work, you go to another venue with more people and socialise some more.
You’re trained to deliver good times by talking, socialising, and making that part of your personality.
I always assumed I was a really extroverted person who loved being around others.
But with hindsight, I can recognise that my drinking habits were very much employing that ‘Dutch courage’ to enable me to be as extroverted as possible – fake it till you make it, right (I hate that phrase now).
What I discovered as I started changing how I drank was that, actually, I’m quite an introvert… and I love it. That might sound odd, considering I’m a podcast host and public speaker, but remember, introversion is not the same as shyness.
And while I had a flourishing career as a social butterfly for some time, I have always needed solitude to recharge myself afterwards.
I can quite happily bask in my own company, laughing at my own jokes for hours on end and never feel alone. By the same token, I can sometimes find a crowded room to be the loneliest, most draining place of all.
I never recognised this before. I didn’t realise that I needed peace to rejuvenate my social battery.
So when I felt like I was running on empty, I was topping up that energy with alcohol—false bravado, false energy and extra socialisation power-ups that left me feeling weaker in the long run.
Part Two: The Four I’s Framework
1. Identify – Know Your Real Energy Source
This is about understanding where your core social energy really comes from.
This isn’t about boxing yourself in—remember, this is a spectrum, and you will likely find some scenarios where you lean more one way than the other.
But think about it, identify which state is your true self. What makes you feel the most energised, the most restored? What replenishes your social battery when you’re feeling exhausted?
Is it being around other people and feeding off the energy, the good vibes, the social winds and the excitement of other people?
Is it spending time with just a few close friends or family and really diving into deep, intimate conversations?
Or is it spending time on your own, sitting on the sofa or in the park with a book or binging on a box set?
Whatever it is, there is no right or wrong. It’s just about what makes you feel most socially restored, most energised and most yourself.
2. Investigate – What Drives Your Choices
The next step is to investigate. This is about examining your current drinking patterns to see what habits you are perpetuating; looking closely at when, where, why and, most importantly, how you’re drinking.
Do you notice that when you’re with a group of people, you are generally drinking more than makes you feel comfortable?
- Are you trying to fit in with the crowd and keep up with what everybody else is doing – or are you leading the charge?
Do you find that when you’re sitting in a group of just your best friends, you’re the one calling for more drinks?
- Are you using the alcohol to enhance a situation that you’re already enjoying, or are you using it to push yourself into something that you don’t naturally feel is a fit for you?
Pay attention to the triggers that lead you to drink more than you normally would or would like to; to the people that are around you when you feel like that; to the mood that you’re in and the choices you subsequently make.
3. Implement – Match Your Drinking Style to Your Personality.
Your next I is to implement. To match your drinking style to your energy style – choosing drinks and settings and a pacing that works with your personality, not against it.
If you’re an extrovert in a big group, feeling energised by lots of people around you and everybody is having a drink, you’re not going to want to feel left out.
Instead, it’s about finding ways that you can remain within that group but still keep true to your desire to build a better life for yourself.
Coming from a site called Low No Drinker, it’ll be no surprise that finding drinks that you can enjoy is an excellent way to go. That might be alcohol-free, low-alcohol or even mid-strength drinks that you can use to pace your drinking.
In these situations, the ritual of participating is usually far more important than the actual drink in your glass. Having something in your hand simply helps you look and feel the part.
If you’re more of an introvert, it may mean choosing a more mindful approach to drinking. It can be quite easy when you’re sitting with just a group of three or four of your besties, and everyone’s taking turns to order another bottle to mindlessly go along with it.
There are the obvious things like having a glass of water in between every drink and looking at low/no options again. But also, it’s about taking the time to be mind’full’ of your choices.
Consider the drink in your glass:
- Pay attention to how it looks, tastes and smells, and how it makes you feel physically.
- Sip slowly and savour the taste experience rather than guzzling quickly.
- Think about how that drink is impacting your experience with your friends – are you connecting and engaging, or are you starting to feel more distant?
4. Iterate – Adjust as You Go
Throughout your entire journey to a life less intoxicated, iteration is your friend.
It’s essential to know this isn’t an all-or-nothing choice. It’s not about immediate, absolute and irrevocable change.
You have the freedom to assess how your choices have impacted any drinking situation and make changes as you see fit.
Perhaps you decided to coast with mid-strength drinks, but the next morning you feel just as bad because you had twice as many. In that case, iterate and try something different next time.
There are lots of ways to achieve your mindful drinking goals. You have to find what works for you. If it doesn’t work, that’s OK. You’ve learned something and can make more informed decisions next time.
This is all about finding a drinking style that complements your personality as well as the lifestyle you’re trying to build – Dutch courage be damned!
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