20 Small Things That Made A Big Difference
Prefer to listen? Find ep. 169 wherever you get your podcasts.
I started changing the way I drink over five years ago now, and a few things have stuck with me along the way.
Mostly, I’ve come to learn that mastering mindful drinking is not all about rules and restrictions. It’s about getting to know yourself all the way.
1. I don’t count my drinks
There is nothing more miserable on a night out than having to keep a count of how many drinks I’ve had before I’m not “allowed” another. Instead, I’d rather be honest with myself about whether I really WANT another drink or if I’m just taking one because I don’t know what else to do.
2. I don’t negotiate with myself
If I make a conscious choice not to have a drink and I find myself wondering if I made the right choice, I don’t second-guess myself anymore (this did take time).
The me that made the choice at the start of the night was a wiser version than the me who’s fighting temptation at the bar, so I let her rule the night and do as I’m told.
3. I don’t negotiate with terrorists
I see no benefit to getting into a debate with someone about whether I should be fine to ‘just have one’ or not. It’s my life and my choice, and if you don’t get it, that’s a you problem, not a me problem!
4. But I do explain what’s going on to friends
We don’t live in a vacuum. We need the people around us to understand what we’re going through and why, so that they have the opportunity to be the best support for us that they can.
Some friends still might not get it, though. I wrote about how to handle those ones in Why Your Friends Can’t Take No For An Answer.
5. I keep it simple
I try to stay away from overly complicated rules about what I can and can’t drink and when. I base my decision on what will serve me best tonight AND tomorrow, rather than if it’s a permitted day or not.
6. When I’m done, I’m done
In the past, I would have attended the opening of an envelope if the promise of free booze was on offer. Not anymore. If I’m not entertained by the company I’m in, then I’m off home to Netflix and chill with a non-alc prosecco and some posh crisps.
7. If I do have a drink, I enjoy it guilt-free
Mindful drinking, by definition, means that sometimes the choice will be to have a full-strength drink. On those occasions, I make sure that I don’t beat myself up for it. If it’s a conscious choice, then there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
8. I pay happily for low, no and light drinks that make me feel special
Yes, low, no and light drinks cost the same as full-strength. And I know that can be an annoyance for some people. But I am happy to pay a fair price for an amazing drink that makes me feel just as involved as everyone else and leaves me without the extra cost of a hangover in the morning.
9. I don’t show off, but I don’t hide either
The joke goes something like: ‘How do you know if someone is alcohol-free? Wait 10 seconds, and they’ll tell you.’
I’m not on my low/no soap box on a night out. And I’m not showing off how great I feel in the morning when the rest of the team is hanging.
But I am proud of the life I’m making for myself, and I won’t ever be embarrassed to say so.
10. I eat
Food is fuel, yes. But it’s also a great defender against cravings if you’re trying not to drink, and overconsumption if you’ve decided that you are. Low blood sugar causes cravings for sweet things, including your favourite cocktail, and it also impairs decision-making. Eat!
11. I sleep (not very well, but I’m working on it)
Every good or bad day starts before you get out of bed. Sleep is just as important as food in protecting your capacity to make functional choices. When I’m tired, alcohol always seems like a better idea than it is.
(These last two are even more important for those of us in midlife, as we genuinely can’t drink like we used to.)
12. I check menus before I go out
Having decent low, no and light alternatives is half the battle. Knowing what I can have before I get to the bar helps me to stay strong in my choices. Decision fatigue is the enemy.
13. & I have a backup just in case
And if they don’t have anything decent, I’ll either suggest we go somewhere else, or have a two or three non-alc drinks in mind that are easy to make anywhere (Lemon, Lime & Bitters is a great one).
14. I compare how I feel the next day to how I could have felt if I drank more
In the unlikely event that I wake up feeling like I missed out on the wild shenanigans of my drinking buddies, I compare how I’m feeling – not to how they feel, although that could work too – but to how bad I know I could be feeling if I had drunk more. That usually puts the smile right back on my face.
15. I treat myself to other things I enjoy
When you’re not spending all your money on booze, kebabs, cigs & cabs, there’s more left over for the finer things in life, like the posh ice cream to go with the posh crisps (I may have a snacking issue…)
16. I fantasise a life less intoxicated
I mean really fantasise! What are the things I always wanted to do but never got around to because I felt like death warmed up every time I had a day off? This is the time to see how many of those fantasies you can make a reality (hint: it won’t be all of them, but that’s OK).
17. But I don’t expect life to be a bed of roses now
Alcohol never makes things better. But not drinking doesn’t magically make all of my problems go away either. I know that I still have to put the work in.
18. I allow flexibility without judgment
I barely touch booze anymore; it just doesn’t interest me like it did before, but on my way here, I learned that life doesn’t always go according to plan, and so I allowed myself the flexibility I needed to adapt in any drinking situation. If you don’t bend, you break.
(That doesn’t mean caving and drinking alcohol to suit other people, btw, but perhaps accepting that I have to drink another AF beer when I just wanted a glass of wine, or knowing when to make my goodbyes)
19. I never drink to regulate my feelings (good ones or bad)
I don’t use alcohol to make a shitty day better, nor do I use it to make a celebration sweeter. I’ve learned to detach alcohol from my emotional load in either direction, and that means it no longer dictates how those emotions play out.
20. I put myself first
Drinking less is my choice. It’s a selfish decision to put myself first at all times, and I’ve learned to be OK with that, even if other people aren’t.
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